The First Two Days

Gentle Readers,

I decided to go back to the beginning, and give you a glimpse of the first few days.

The first two days were gentle, because Hannah stayed home.

I woke up after 12 hours of sleeping, and read a little. Then we had breakfast. Then Hannah and I had errands to run. The third child, Matthew (name changed), had a cold, so he came with us.

We went to the bank, but they couldn't do anything until a certain document came. To foreshadow, the arrival of this document would be something that hung over me for the next month. But anyway, that day, we were told to come back with the document.

Ok, then we went to the Gemeinde, which is the local authority. I registered with them as a extended stay person. A little hiccup came when they looked at my passport. For some reason, the passport now has your first and middle name on the same line. So the lady was like " Is that your first name?" And I said, " No it's my middle name." She didn't know what a middle name was. A middle name.... maybe they don't have these in Germany? Trust me, no one ever calls me by my middle name. It isn't even really a middle name, it's a last name, which according to Hannah they can't do. It reminded me of something I read in a German culture book... "In America, everything is acceptable that isn't expressly forbidden. In Germany, everything is forbidden unless it is allowed." I mean, children are named Blanket. Anyway, I still prefer the "everything is permissible" thing. I think it is ingrained in Americans from day 1.

Then we had to go to the Auslanderbehorde. We ended up not going this day, because she wanted to organize some things. Plus, she was having a birthday party later for Carl, the littlest.

That turned out to be an exercise in restraint. For me and the children. She made a small fire in a tiny barbeque thing where we could roast sausages. She also had snacks and cake. It was nice, but the restraining part came when they (the 4 plus each had a friend over) wanted to burn their sticks. And leaves. And chestnuts. and the food. And paper. I drew the line at the paper. But there was no stopping them at the other things. It was crazy. All these little pyros in the making. She even left for a time to drop the oldest one off at a sport thingy. Their friends were nice. One was quite spirited, and he comes over to the house a lot. Another was quiet, another was like a miniature old man, and the last one laughed a lot. They were nice kids, but 8 boys is A LOT to care for. I just used a lot four times in the last three sentences. urgh.

Once they went to bed, she showed me some of her favorite books, mostly cook books and interior design. They were nice. She also explained to me the situation about the family, which I hadn't really been privy to before. Suffice to say, like I said earlier, a divorce in the works. That's enough to set the scene.

The next day, I got up and took #3 (Matthew- name changed) to the bus stop and we made it (barely). It isn't far. But he is pretty slow moving in the morning. This has only increased as the weather has gotten colder. The two older ones walk themselves to school, as it is only a stone's throw away. Literally, It would take me 45 seconds. If I walked slowly.

The youngest, Carl, had an appt this day, so Hannah took him there and then we went to the Auslanderbehorde later. There we met a Russian man, who helped us fill out the forms and then took them to be processed. This was the time when I had to decide for sure how long I wanted to stay in Germany. But I was firm. 6 months. After April, I have plans and I plan to see them through. At this point, Hannah was still trying to convince me otherwise. It wasn't until a later Skype date with one of my friends that she realized I meant business and I wasn't changing on this.

On our way back, she told me more about her wants in life, saying that she always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm sure plenty of women (and men, too, let's be realistic) would love to not have to work. 4 kids is no cake-walk, but the stress is different than having a job. Combine the stresses of both, and sometimes I wonder where feminism has gotten us: a larger plate and less time to eat it? Anyway, the countryside on the way back was beautiful and the document I would need for the bank would come soon enough.

That night, I was very hungry for dinner and we had watched the Flintstones which is Die Familie Feuerstein in German. hahaa it's great. The 3rd, Matthew, really likes it. It was on this day that I met an older missionary couple from Vista (!!) How coincidental. I was a bit wary at first, but they are very nice, down to earth, and easy going. Before we ate we prayed. This is a nightly occurrence. It's not like when say Grace in my household, however. We say the Catholic grace: scripted and to the point. With these prayers, the person thanks God for the meal, the day, our health, etc, etc, It's scarcely over a minute, but when the steaming hot, delicious food is in front of you, it seems like forever. Sometimes Carl, who wants to do the prayer, will try to talk over the person praying, or start hitting someone. So the prayers are never as solemn as I think they should be.

Later I was to learn that she doesn't just pray before dinner. She prays at breakfast, before the kids go off to school, before going to sleep, before lunch. I never knew people prayed this much! She also fasts quite often, which is supposedly a harbinger of a particular prayer being granted. So it causes the prayer to be answered, or something. According to one of my friends, it is normal to fast once a month, but Hannah fasts nearly every week. I don't think this is healthy. It is only my opinion, of course, but I don't think God wants us not to eat. My mom says it is to be thankful or mindful, but I could never adhere to this type of thinking. Shouldn't we be well nourished, so we can help other people? I'm getting off track and this discussion is for another time. But my point is, that Hannah is quite strict in her beliefs.

It was on this Tuesday that I met the old au pair's best friend in Germany. It was from her that I got an insight into the situation I hadn't had before. Apparently, the old au pair was a co-religionist (isn't that the craziest word?) of Hannah. This led to some tension between the two. As the girl before me was more liberal than Hannah. This friend also told me that Hannah is quite set in her ways, which is something I soon realized. The friend confirmed a suspicion that had been brewing in my mind: that the old au pair had left in not the happiest of terms with Hannah. This had been made clear to me by Hannah, who kept comparing me to the old au pair, talking about how I would be better because of x, y, and z. It made me so uncomfortable, because it made me wonder what they would say about me behind my back when *I* left. I also wasn't used to be compared to someone. In my family, they never openly compared us, which is something about which I am really grateful. Being the first is never easy, but at least being the 2nd, or 3rd wasn't awful in my family. Now I felt like I had a screw-up older sister, and I was the one who was supposed to go far. All these expectations were unnerving. I mean, I'm not perfect!

The friend's insight told me more than the old au pair had told me herself, which was that she had never been truly accepted by the family. I also had the feeling that the Germans harbored resentment towards her, whereas she had nothing but good feelings for the boys. It would certainly make a reunion awkward.

One last tidbit: When I told Hannah I only wanted two kids, she said maybe I'd have seven. SEVEN?!?! Not on your life. I'd divorce my husband first.