Communication

There are sometimes when I feel like I am not communicating with Hannah (name changed). It's happened a few times, and I feel very frustrated by the outcome. It is almost as if I am being forced into a script, like I am supposed to say a particular thing. This is different from when she asks for my opinion. I give her my opinion only sometimes, because I feel like she won't really listen to it. I know they say advice is freely given, and freely taken; but if someone asks for your opinion all the time, and never takes it... well that gets hard on your ego. Mostly I think she just wants me to agree with her opinion.

The Disagreement

Her: You like this [enter food here], don't you?
Me: No, I don't.
Her: But you've eaten it. I've made it before.

{Here is a simple lesson in logic. When it rains, the grass is wet. If the grass is wet, does that mean it rained? No. Just because I ate it didn't mean I liked it. I ate it because I was hungry. Rather than go hungry, I ate something I'd rather not like. You've never seen me bitter until you've seen me hungry. It's just scary. We don't go there.}

I shrug noncommittally.
Me: Get some if you want.
Her: It's very healthy. But you don't like the healthy kind, do you?* I never knew you were so unhealthy. (Pause.) Do you think you'll like this kind better by the time you go back?
Me: I doubt it.

By this point * I am wondering why we are even having this conversation. I mean, there is seriously no point. If you'd like to buy it, do. If you don't, let it go. I've told her my feelings... and yet, she starts in on how 'unhealthy' I am. I have already checked out of this interchange. But it feels like she's willing me to agree with her, and tell her what she wants to hear, but she knows when I gave her a fake answer. It's like trying to fight off pepper spray, futile and annoying.

The Opinion.

[There is background to this story that I can't give, but imagine in your head a bitterly divorced couple. Got that? Ok you're ready.]

Her: I don't think I should take them to see him. I mean, do you? Just because he is sick. One time I was sick...
Me: Can you just drop them off?
Her: No, I have to be there. An adult needs to be present.
Me: Oh.
Her: See what I mean? I don't want to do it. It's always something with him. I'm not gonna take them, would you?

{Well, this is tricky. Because the last time I had kids, a husband, and a divorce, was.... oh yeah, never. I have no experience even close to this one. Crummy boyfriends? Those I can handle. Annoying siblings? I've been there. Divorcee squabbles? Nope. But in my true opinion, I think she should get off the high horse, grin and bear it. It's Christmas. Just do it. In fact, I'd like to say this: Don't be an ***wipe. Take them to see their father. It's Christmas, for God's sake. But instead, I say

Me: No. Not if you don't want to.

Because how would she really react? By talking about it more, pretending to consider, then getting all stressed when she's not sure what she should do, then coming to me, giving me both my opinion and hers and asking which one is better (mine, because I told you about it. duh). And I'd really like to avoid all that verbal diarrhea.

To recap, that's how the two exchanges are different. But, in a way, similar. With both, I feel like I could be Kelly Ripa, sunshiney and bright, and it would not matter in the slightest. The outcome would still be the same.

So I say what she wants to hear. But it's hard to convince someone to do something they already want to do when you think it is a bad idea. I'm clearly a sounding board, but to what purpose? I don't give two figs what she does with her children and their father. If it were me, I'd do it because Christmas is important. But that's me. If she wants to do something else completely, then she should do it.

Without asking my opinion.